It’s been quite a few years since I last blogged. 3 years? 4 years?

And I decide that I’m gonna write something here today.






I realise. As I get older. Day by day. Minute by minute.

That I lose my voice.

I lose the light in me that sparkles joy.

I lose hope.

I lose faith.

I lose happiness.

I start to lose the will to continue.


And ultimately… I stop losing and stop feeling.


I don’t know when it started. But I know it’s overwhelming me and putting me back in my “dark spot”. The place where I’m surrounded by darkness, by shadows of demons, by things I fear.


I’m neither in pain. Nor in delight.


I may laugh.

I may joke.

I may seem frustrated.





To be honest…


Deep inside.



I feel like the walking dead.

Without the rotting flesh.

Without the limp.

Without the need to run around looking and sinking my teeth into another hot body.







There’s still hope.

And. I. Believe.